Sunday, May 20, 2007

Noah's Ark Redux

Oh my Lord! We have an interesting situation here. Haven't had much rain since the winter and wildfires are popping up here and there. Some days gets a little smokey depending on the wind, but these fires can bring a farm some strange critters and I am not taking about Purris and her hairless pussy friends either! I've never heard of such a thing. A cat with no hair! Brawk!

Anyway, the other day, while Thom was hunting mice for Purris he bumped into a strange visitor.

"Mother Hen!" He exclaimed, "I have never been afraid of a bird in my life until now. She was as tall as the house children!"

"You don't say! Tell me more." I responded.

"Her beak was 2 feet long!"

"Thom, you are joshin' me. Quit lying!" I retorted.

Well next thing you know I hear this ungodly rattling noise.

"What was that?"

"That's her song, I think, Mother Hen. Gives me the shivers." Thom answered looking over his shoulder.

Soon enough I saw her. Running around, flapping her wings and rattling. "Where's my mate? Where's my mate?"

"Calm down honey and come over here," I told her. She definitely has a set of gams on her! "Damn woman! What a long beak you have!" I exlaimed. "What on earth do you do with that? Dig for worms?"

"CCCCan if I wwwant." She said. "Mmmy MMmmate is gggggone. HHhheeee was aaaat the hhhhouse."

Thom leaned over to my ear and whispered, "I saw her looking and pecking at the glass door. I suppose she thought she saw another one of her kind. But now she must have thought it was her husband."

"Well, honey, you just come over here and sit right down with me and we will wait for him. I'm sure he will be along soon."

Thom eased back warily when she plopped down.

"Now, I hope you don't think I am being tooo personal, but woman to woman, just how in the world do you and your man make eggs? Snork!"

Sunday, May 13, 2007

Mother Hen's Day

Just thought I would show you wants been taking up my time lately. My little pride and joy free range chicks that will eventually be laying hens!

What did they get me for Mother's Day? Free downloads of Barry Manilow for my i-podie. Brawk!
Oh Mandy! Well you came and you gave without taking....Snork!

Wednesday, May 09, 2007

The Farm

Those silly chicks of mine are old enough to get around on their own now! Thank goodness for that. I love 'em, but I am not cut out for this mother stuff. All that peeping and pecking blah! Not a moments peace or solitude! I'll just lay eggs from now on thank you.

Oh there have been some fine goings on about the hobby farm. Queen Bee came by for a visit. She is moving her nests over to the hobby farm in the hopes of increasing the bee population some what. Old George Busytail (God love him, nobody else does) gave her a tour of the barnyard and fields. He was the impressive sight at the Barnyard Dinner in honor of the Queen.
He kept his tail spread. kinda eerie, looked like a bunch of eyes peering at us.

Purris is coming back. Little wonder, what with all the alley catting she has been doing since she left! Major Thom is strutting around like some bantam cock with a dozen hens! I don't imagine being back on the farm will be too uncomfortable for Purris Hisston, it's just that the night life is rather dull around here.

Uh oh, here comes Rufus, I wonder what he wants!

Tuesday, February 13, 2007

Chicken Heart

Well, what did you expect from a chicken?

Sunday, February 11, 2007

I-nards & I-pods

"Hummm hmm hmm hmm Brrrraaaawwwwxanne you don haf to turn on de headlights..hmm hmm buh buh buh brrrrraaawwwwxanne hmmmm turn on de headlights.."

BRAWK! You scared the devil out of me! Heh, heh like the new gadget Thom brought me. It was to play music, classical music for my eggs. Scientists have discovered that chicks-to-be fare better if classical music is played to the eggs. Humph, I use this I-poddy thing to drown out the cacophony of their shrill peeping!!

Major Thom is an enterprising feline, to say the least. He probably gets around more than any other animal in this county. Well, a couple of weeks ago he spied many buzzards flying over the Interstate. It being a nice day, he decided to trek on over and see what was up.

Well, you'll never believe this. When he got to the Interstate it was all blood and guts, tons of them, allllll over the place. There were critters of every kind snatching and dragging innerds about. Thom said he had never seen such a heap of guts in his life. As he studied the situation he noticed a big tractor trailer truck had over-turned. Not because of the cow parts, but the source of them.

Curiosity got the better of him as he crept in closer. All this time, he said, he was trying to figure out a way to get the maximum amount of guts back to the ole homestead. He heard a funny tinny noise and discovered this I-pod in the midst of all the mess. When he picked it up some young guy started chasing him yelling, "Give me back my I-pod man!"

Thom, obviously won that battle. The poor guy only ran in place, unable to find purchase in the slimy guts!! As it turns out, this young truck driver jack-knifed his truck trying to 'adjust' his I-pod. Hmm, so that's what they call it these days!

"B-b-b-b-brrraaaawwwwwxanne, you don haf to sell your body to de nite!"

Tuesday, January 23, 2007

Sleeper Cells

Boy has it been exciting around here lately! Last night everyone got together, teamed up as the humans would say, and performed a search and chase against all those alien rats! I never laughed so hard in my life. Almost broke an egg!
Snork, snork! Had a bird's eye view of the whole debacle.
It started a couple of hours after sundown. The cats were on patrol, Thom was hissing orders, Gorgeous was looking for re-enforcements over at the Porcine Villa (PC word for pig pen) and I was dropping off into a snooze.
"Sniff, sniff, sniff." I opened one eye and cocked my head to see that the Lab sticking her nose up in the air smelling God only knows what. "Shhhhush" I said. She turned her head to the barbecue and bounced of in that direction continuing to sniff the air. For some reason, Gorgeous decided to see what the Lab was up to and pranced toward the barbeque, then the nosey-ass cats had to satisfy their curiosity and followed suit.
The Lab sniffed the barbeque from top to bottom, oh, about three times, let out a yelp, jumped up and knocked it ass over tea kettle! Rats poured out of the grill, scampering around every one's paws. The cats crazed by the commotion were leaping 5 feet in the air, hissing and puffing up like big balloons. Major Thom landed on the Lab and tried to take control of the situation, but have you ever seen a Lab try to shake off a cat and catch a rat at the same time? Gorgeous? Legs a windin' up but going nowhere screeching "woo, woo, woo, woo, woo!"
Well, the rats are gone. Probably won't be back. The humans decided to feed them over the fence. Humans!

Saturday, January 20, 2007



Brawk, what was that! Thunk thunk.

Damn wood rats! Hear them? They are up in the tree and dropping down on top of my coop. I can hear them skittering across my roof! Can't get a decent night's sleep with those rodents invading our barn yard grain every night. Damn bunch of pests if you ask me.

As part of our new security that Georgeous Busytail has organized, the cats are in charge of keeping the field mice and trees rats at bay. He put Major Thom in charge of the Feline Brigade. It has been so cold here that these pussy cats won't put their precious paws out in the snow! So much for barn yard security! We are being invaded by those pesky rodents, which is really pissing off the barn mice.

All I want is a good night's sleep!